


Wonderful Life

by HammeredAlice



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HammeredAlice/pseuds/HammeredAlice
Summary: He could end it right here and now, Aomine thought as he swung his legs over the railing. The bridge wasn't as high as he thought, but it was still high enough and all he had to do was take a step into the air to just.. stop existing. Become nothing. It's not like someone would miss him that much. He was a monster, right? Monsters don't get happy ends. Nobody cries when monsters die.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone :) I'm a total rookie to this fiction writing stuff, so I apologize if it's sloppy or something. Another thing is that English is actually my third language (while being the most useful one) so there might be some mistakes since I don't have anyone to beta my stuff.  
> Anyway, the general idea of this story was that while being jerk and all, Aomine reminds me of someone clinically depressed. I mean, he has all the symptoms. If such a thing can be somehow triggering for you, please don't read it.  
> Have a nice day :)

  The whole room was drenched in darkness and silence, just as expected from early morning hours.

  Actually, no, there was a patch of light from the street lamp outside his window. A soft blue glow was coming from the fluorescent silicon band on his wrist. Aomine lifted his arm and waved, so the smear of blue danced around a little. He got that one from Satsuki on his last birthday. "Satsuki," he sighed softly, placing the arm over his eyes. He hadn't seen much of her these days.

  Midnight passed exactly four hours and seventeen minutes ago, slipping through his fingers as he stared at the ceiling, unmoving.

  _Made it through another day_ , Aomine thought bitterly, _what an accomplishment_. Should he congratulate himself or should he mourn the time and money and oxygen wasted on his sorry existence? Once again, he didn't know. Maybe a little bit of both. He was weak as that, he slept through the day to chase away the things he was afraid to face, but when the night came and he was lying in his bed, huddled between three pillows and heavy blanket, the feeling caught up to him. Sleeping was hard when he couldn't stop thinking.

  It was a hard thing to comprehend for someone like him, but apparently, there were some things not even the great Aomine Daiki could outrun.

  _What if you deserve it? What if everyone actually sees you the way you see yourself? Worthless. Did you notice no one texts you anymore? Why should they like you anyway?_

  Maybe he was fucked up right from the start. _No, no_ , shrieked the rational side of him, _he wasn't!_ He was such a happy kid, he had Satsuki and friends and he spent days outside and then he snuggled with mom on couch and she read to him. It was great. Teiko was the place where he started slipping. Basketball was no longer just for fun, it was about winning, everything became only about winning and although Aomine liked to win and _he did win_ , the constant pressure did weird things to his head. Tetsu disappearing was the last drop. It felt like walking into a lake - step by step, water reaching to his waist, shoulders, nose - until he was drowning. Nothing was going to be better, he was stuck in this state of mind, in this permanent sadness. If he drowned, if he died right now, Aomine doubted anyone would mourn him.

  He was a monster, right? They've called him that. No one would miss a monster.

  As the time passed, sleep turned out to be the only escape, but even that had its downside - it required waking up. At first, he just lied there and stared at the ceiling again. Sunlight was pouring into the room through the big window. Aomine had always liked big windows, until he found himself thinking about jumping out of one. Since then, it scared him shitless. How was his own mind able to produce something like that?! He wasn’t so done to think about taking his own life, was he?

  So, the circle was repeating itself day after day.

  Summoning the little willpower he still had, Aomine dragged himself out of the bed. That would usually be the hardest, the simplest things. He padded into the bathroom, took a quick shower, brushed his teeth. That would do. It's not like he had time to do much else.

  Toou was not a friendly place, at least for him. When he walked down the hall to his class, people either flat out ignored him or stared at him as if he'd grown two heads. _Here comes the monster._ There were times when he would growl at them or throw insults, but it all became too tiring, so he just pretended not to see them.

  Apathy was another new thing in his day to day life. Minutes passed, life was still slipping in between his fingers. He knew he should be doing something about it, but as soon as he started planning a thing, his mind would do that little trick and he would find himself sobbing in the shower. He was useless, right? Maybe he could pack his things and leave. _Vanish. Pop!_ It's not like anyone would miss him. Parents were hardly at home these days, Satsuki had Kuroko, Kuroko had Kagami and majority of his own basketball team would love to get rid of him. No one needed him.

 

***

 

  Satsuki didn't come to nag him that day, so Aomine went home alone and collapsed.

  Why did he still keep on trying, when nothing could make him happy, anyway? He used to love basketball, but now it was just another empty word, it wasn’t interesting anymore unless he clashed with Kagami or one of the Miracles. When he lost to that Bakagami at Winter Cup, he thought everything was going to be normal again, that _he_ will be back to normal, but time passed and Aomine found himself sinking deeper into the sadness, pushing everyone away until no one cared anymore. _In the end,_ he thought, _it was all his fault._

  Slumped into the corner of the shower, back pressed to the cold white tiles, Aomine finally let himself fall apart. The sobs that tore out of his chest were silenced by the sound of water thumping against the glass, but he clamped a hand over his mouth anyway - father was about to come home soon and the last think he needed was to find his good-for-nothing son wailing in the bathroom like a broken hearted girl.

  His father.. Well, Aomine didn't know how to put it. When he was a kid, father always stressed good grades above all. He wanted his only son to be a businessman like himself, or perhaps a doctor or a lawyer. He wanted a calm, clever, responsible child, but the only think he got was hurricane Daiki, the kid that couldn't sit still for more than three minutes. _He was a disappointment from the start_. As the time passed, they became distant. Father never failed to point out any mistake he made, bad grades, dirty clothes, anything. Whenever someone recognized the Ace of the Generation of Miracles, father would wave it away as a child's play - it won't get him to university and the boy's not that good, he won't be able to go pro. Father will probably move him out the moment Aomine graduated from high school. _Maybe he was right_. Maybe Aomine really should quit chasing after a ball and start doing something more useful.

  _Why do you cry so much? Just because you are you? So pathetic. Why are you always so sad? Stop being sorry for yourself, no one cares anyway! They are perfectly fine without you, maybe even better._

  Father really came home early. Aomine couldn't tell if he heard anything, but as he came down to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, the man's gaze was firmly glued on him.

  "What?" Aomine croaked. _He knows. He knows, he heard everything, he knows, heknowsheknows.._

  Father frowned a little, his eyes sharp as ever. "Is everything all right, Daiki? At the school? Your eyes are all red and-"

  At moments like this, it felt like he watched his own life being played in slow motion. "I'm fine," he blurted out perhaps little too quickly. _No you are not,_ roared the rational side of him. _Stop being an idiot and say it out loud! You need help, you need it now before something snaps and you find yourself actually stepping out of your own fucking window. You need someone to talk to, someone to tell you it's alright to feel like this. You need someone to make you feel better. You need it! You're going to die if you stay like this._

  "It's nothing, just shampoo got into my eyes, that's all."

  "If you say so," father nodded, but Aomine could see that he wasn't convinced at all. He turned on his heel to head back to the solace of his room, but the firm voice made him stop right on the spot.

  "Don't sweat it too much, son. It's understandable if you struggle with your grades, you've never been much of a genius."

 _Parents love you just because you are, right? Who's supposed to love you if not your own parents?_ Who was he supposed to turn to if not to his own parents? Father had never been to any of his basketball games and obviously thought he was stupid. Mother was kind, but she still thought that all he needed was to think positive and everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows again. If he told them what was going on in his head, would they ever believe him?

  "Sure, father."

  Later that evening, Aomine found himself staring on his cell phone. He wanted to call Satsuki, but she was probably fawning over Tetsu or drowning in homework so maybe he shouldn't bother her. She had enough of her own weight to carry. Today was only Monday so maybe he could pick her up on Friday and take her to cinema or something.

 

***

 

  Satsuki had always been more observant than he gave her credit for. "Dai-chan," she said softly, "when was the last time you ate something?" Aomine didn’t know. Probably yesterday or the day before? It didn’t make much difference. Preparing food took a lot of energy and sitting in the big kitchen all by himself made him feel stupid things. He’ll buy something on his way home, plus, it’s not like he couldn’t survive another day or two like this.

  She found him in the infirmary. He used to hide there when he was too lazy or too tired to function in class, but today he felt really sick. The thing inside his stupid head didn't crawl out only in shower or at night. It was in the middle of a Math class when he felt the familiar sensation of his throath tightening and the stinging in his eyes. He had to leave the classroom immediately. The infirmary was almost always empty and it provided the solace he needed to calm himself down.

  "You look sick," she sighed. Satsuki sat herself down on the camp-bed, her nimble fingers started toying with his hair. "Are you sure everything is alright?"

  This was the moment, the breaking point. Now he could finally tell someone.

 _I'm not alright. I need help. My head is a dark place. When I wake up in the morning, I have to persuade myself to pry my eyes open and get up, but all I want is to lie down and sleep until I can't wake up anymore._ Aomine stared at her beautiful face and wished his lips would cooperate with his brain. Once again, he'd proved to be a failure.

  "Dai-chan?"

  Satsuki was starting to sound panicked, the hand petting his temple stopped and for a minute she looked as if she knew, but then he blurted: "It's just some stomach sickness." Aomine couldn't stand her being upset, no matter what. If she knew, she would only end up crying over his stupid brain fucking him over and he won't have that.

  Still, he longed for her company. "What are you doing on Friday?"

  Satsuki blinked before lowering her gaze to inspect her shoes. Aomine got the hint.

  "I'm sorry, Dai-chan. Tetsu-kun invited me and few friends to party and I promised.."

  _Me and few friends_. And he was what, air?! Aomine felt familiar anger bubbling in his chest and he welcomed it. Anger was easier than the constant sadness. "Few friends, huh?"

  He wasn't the only one realizing the implication. Satsuki started to pet his hair again, as if she was taming a wild animal. "Yeah, just Ki-chan and maybe Midorin since Takao-kun demanded they'll go, too. Oh, and Mukkun, but he's visiting his grandpa in Osaka, so he can't go. There will be Tetsu-kun's teammates and the awful manager," Satsuki scrunched her nose at the thought of Aida Riko. For some reason or other, she was being extremely jealous of her even though in Aomine's eyes, it should totally be the other way. "Wait! Would you like to come with us?"

  Aomine's brows threatened to join his hairline. He wasn't expecting to be invited when Tetsu left him out, but a good dose of human interaction with someone he knew could help him. _Maybe_. It was far better than shutting himself at home with nothing on his hands and too much time to think.

  He faked a small smile. "Yeah, I'd like to."

 

***

 

  It was Friday morning and Aomine overslept his alarm. It was his own fault, he knew, because apparently he and his brain couldn't decide whether going to that party tonight was a good thing or not and he spent better part of the night pondering about it. His argument was clear - he felt terribly lonely. The brain countered with higher possibility of triggering something and also with the fact that it was stupid idea, because most of these people thought he was an A-class dickhead. Tetsu would invite him if he wanted to have Aomine here, wouldn't he?

  It was almost lunchtime. He ran into the bathroom, brushing his teeth with zone-like speed, then washed his face and decided that it would have to do.

 _Shit, shit, shit._ Really, the last thing he needed was a problem like this. He threw the bathroom door open, but stopped dead in his tracks.

  "-mine."

  Was someone else home? Mother had a daytime shift and father was supposed to be on some council. Noon was no time to come back home, well, if one of them wasn't feeling sick or something.

  "Ooh.. A-Aomine!"

  Again, he heard it. Someone was home after all. It was kind of squeaky, female voice, quite annoying. As far as Aomine knew, his only aunt lived back at Philippines, so there was no way-

  "Deeper."

  "Harder!"

_Oh shit._

  The thick crust of apathy was broken as he hurried downstairs, heading for the living room. The awful voice was surely coming from he-

  However, he should never have done such a stupid thing.

  It wasn't his mother nor his aunt and it definitely wasn't his grandmother. It was a young girl, Aoimine noticed and his stomach suddenly threatened to turn, a girl in high school uniform. She was bouncing on father's lap as his hands guided her hips the way he wanted. Her face was screwed tight in some kind of pain or perhaps pleasure, he refused to think about it, but it was definitely a familiar girl.

  "Daiki!" Father roared when he noticed him. He threw the girl off and started putting on his pants but Aomine didn't feel like waiting for any sorry explanation of his. He ran up the stairs and slammed the door to his room so hard the handle almost fell off. Not only did his father cheat on mom in their own living room, but he was also a closeted pervert! Well, that was some triggering shit.

  "Daiki!" So, the banging on the door began. Aomine was genuinely surprised father didn't just surge in, but he wasn't complaining. This way he could shout: "Go away!"

  "No, fuck, Daiki, come talk to me!"

  Aomine hardly felt like doing that. Instead, he grabbed his schoolbag and jacket and decided to storm out of the house while he was still holding it together. Not that the image of his father fucking one of Tetsu's schoolmates - that was the familiarity here, the uniform was definitely from Seirin - was making him much sad, no, but it made him pretty fucking angry. _Disgusted._

  He threw the door open. It probably grazed father's chest or something, but Aomine didn't care. He was leaving.

  That was until father grabbed his arm. "Daiki, wait! It's not how it loo-"

  "You know how it looks like?!" He spat before the man in front off him even finished the sentence, "well, to me it looks like my father's fucking children-molesting pervert."

  "Stop overreacting, she's seventeen."

  "I am seventeen! You think it's alright for me to go and fuck middle aged men?"

  _You're such an idiot,_ sang the voice in his mind and this time Aomine had to agree. This was obvious step over the line. Maybe too far over the line, into a dark teritorry he'd never wished to enter.

  “No, I don’t think that would be alright.” Father's expression smoothed out. He let go of Aomine's arm, small, cruel smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. "You'd probably suck at that one, too. But you know, finding a sugar daddy might be your only option since your basketball isn't so invincible anymore and I'm positive you're too dumb to find a decent job. Just like your mother. It's only a matter of time before they throw you out of that school, so act quickly, Daiki, because I refuse to feed a useless mouth."

  Once again, the world felt like in a slow motion. Aomine watched the way father's smirk broadened with each word and the wider it was, the more broken Aomine felt.

 

***

 

  _Beep beep._

  "Huh?" Momoi fished her pink phone from the tiny handbag. Ha, she got a message. _Dai-chan._ It better said that he was on his way since she'd been waiting on the bus stop for more than twenty minutes. The boy had a habit of coming late, but hey, it was rude to let a girl wait for so long, wasn't it?

  Momoi quickly opened the message, but immediately regretted doing so. What a way to ruin her evening!

  _I can't do it,_ it said and that was all. No apology? Alright. "Meanie." She shut the phone and was ready to put it back into the handbag when it beeped again.

_Sorry Satsuki. I can't go on like this. Not anymore. Take care :)_

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, thank you for the feedback :) There was one comment that was written entirely in emojis and I still can't wrap my head around it but still, thank you :D  
> Anyway, this chapter turned out shorter than I expected, but that's my writing pace, I suppose? I hope I'm not assassinating the characters much (but maybe I am, being quite new to the fandom and fiction writing thing), so sorry if it's too painful to read.  
> So, that's it, have a nice day ;)

  It started as a snap. Everything was fairly normal and then _snap_ , just like that, one stray though came out of nowhere and got him thinking. _Can you really go on like this? Can you really exist another sixty years like this? No. So why don’t you end it? You want to, oh, I know you want to._

  At first, it felt like an avalanche. He knew he was sprinting through the streets, almost knocked someone over. Then, the numbness came.

  _He could end it right here and now_ , Aomine thought as he swung his legs over the railing. It was kinda useless railing, reaching hardly to his upper thighs, but normally grown Asian person would probably find it good enough. Yet again, he wasn't normal, he'd never been. The metal was cold underneath his fingertips. It felt strangely comforting, so he held onto it a little bit tighter. To hold onto something was quite nice. To hold onto someone must be even nicer, but he was idiot and pushed them all away - mom, Satsuki, Tetsu, Kise, everyone.

  The evening was really beautiful. Soft breeze toyed with his hair and brought a smell of grass, river and spring. He'd always loved spring. The season of new beginning, a chance to start anew. Aomine wanted that clean start. He would be a better son, be less of a disappointment to his father. He would support Tetsu and value his basketball style more, he’d spend time listening to Satsuki’s cheerful babbling and he wouldn’t be so detached from his classmates. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so hollow.

  The bridge wasn't as high as he thought, but it was still high enough and all he had to do was take a step into the air to just.. stop existing. Become nothing. The sadness, the rage, the emptiness inside his chest would just disappear and so would he. There would be no more unwanted feelings creeping around, no more sleepless nights, no more crying in the shower. He could sleep forever.

  This time, he wasn’t even scared.

_Just one step._

  Aomine got into a fight that afternoon, a stupid brawl with Wakamatsu. He hadn't showed up for the practice, opting to take a quick nap at the roof instead. He needed some time to process the shit going on with his father, plus, he needed to come up with a plan how to drop the bomb on mom without hurting her much. Mom might hardly be at home, but she was working hard and Aomine couldn't find it in himself to blame her or hate her. The sun was shining and he fell soundly asleep. Really, he did that all the time, it was no shocker, but the soon-to-be captain found out and made a scene.

  _"We don't need you, Aomine, don't you understand?! We are perfectly fine without your super freaky powers, actually, people would at least want to play against us without you. So, do us a favor and disappear, yeah? Just go die."_

  It was stupid and childish and Aomine knew he shouldn't let it get to himself. Wakamatsu didn't really send him to go jump off a bridge, so what the fuck was wrong with him? _Maybe you secretly want to. Life hurts, doesn't it?_

  Somewhere in the distance, he could hear shouting. The city could be crazy on Friday nights. Nightlife had never been much his thing, Aomine thought, he was more prone to watch movies or chat with Satsuki-

  _Satsuki._ God, he was so stupid to send her that text. He probably ruined her evening.

  _You should stop bothering people with your bullshit. No one cares. No one cries when monsters die._

  Still, he felt like he _should_ bother other people. He acted like asshole and deserved to be hated, but that wasn't all that was in him, was it? He could make someone happy, probably, somehow. If he really tried, he could make good things happen. He could.

  Taking that one step was final. If he let go of the railing right now, he would never know if he could become something more.

  "Aomine!"

  “Huh?” What?

 

***

 

  When was the last time he felt so panicked? Probably when he had to face Tatsuya, but this kind of panic felt quite different. It wasn't the same rush he got when they were losing a game or when he had to face something scary. At times like that, second chance would usually pop up. This time, someone could die if he wasn't fast enough. _No, not just someone._ Aomine, the asshole that got onto everyone's nerves and had history with Kuroko. The same Aomine that pushed him to his limits until he entered the zone for the first time in his life.

  "Aomine!" He shouted, but his only answer was silence. Where could the guy even go?

  When Momoi called, she sounded like a total mess. She rambled something about party with Kuroko, Aomine being late, then sending her a shitty goodbye text and how he didn't pick up the phone when she called him. She was talking so fast he actually had a hard time following. _"It's my fault, Kagamin! I'm his best friend, I should know!"_ It took a moment to sank, but eventually, Kagami understood what she was implying. He agreed to help her and somehow ended up at the riverbank.

  Aomine didn't seem like the type to drown himself, Kagami thought, but hey, he didn't seem suicidal either. _Some people are not what they seem, right?_

  Who knows what was going through that blue haired head all this time? Terrible things, probably.

  Kagami wanted to know.

  He thought that he saw it, the spark of excitement when their game was the closest, a hunger matching his own. But he could be wrong. Hell, he was wrong! Otherwise he wouldn't be running around the neighbourhood and shouting the aho's name, obviously.

  “Aomine!”

  What went so wrong in his life that death seemed like the easier option?

  Kagami followed the river. This was an old industrial area, the buildings weren't as tall as the ones in the city centre and he seriously doubted Aomine even knew about this place, however, there was a bridge, about mile and half away. It was relatively abandoned place. Still, jumping off a bridge also didn’t sound like something he’d do. It sounded terrible, but Kagami thought that someone like Aomine would just slice his wrists. He was too lazy to walk so far from home and when Momoi went to his house, his dad said that he hadn't seen him all day.

  The mental image of his lifeless body lying in a tub of bloody water burned itself on the back of Kagami's eyelids.

  _No, the asshole was going to be perfectly alright,_ he decided. Soon, Kuroko or Momoi would call him and say: "Hey, Kagami, I found him," and they'll all go home. Then, Kagami will personally kick his ass for scaring the shit out of him. When this all was over, Aomine owed him one-on-one. Like, a million times.

  But no one called. The time was stretching, he had been running around like an idiot for more than hour and his lungs were burning.

  The bridge was lit by a single street lamp, so the circle of light covered roughly first six steps. Then, the sickly orange-yellow glow faded into darkness again and Kagami almost missed the figure standing behind the railing. Almost.

  "Aomine!"

  “Huh?” The blue haired boy turned around. _It was him!_ He looked as a deer caught in headlights, wide-eyed and paler than death, but it was him and Kagami found him and.. Thanks God, he found him.

  Now, how does one talk someone out of jumping off a bridge? He'd never done something like that before, never even thought about it. It would be different if it was anyone else, someone like Kuroko maybe, then he could ramble about good things in life and friends that would grieve if they jumped, but what should he say to Aomine?

  He'd never seen him with anyone beside Momoi and Kuroko. Still, he had to have family, siblings.. 

  "Kagami! What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

  Well, who needs a plan anyway?

  "Uh? Climbing over the railing, I guess," he tried to sound as clueless as possible. Damn, the lengths he had to go to save Aomine's ass!

  The other didn't appreciate it enough, though. "What?!" He shrieked. "Don't be stupid! Go back!"

  Yeah, he'd love to. The railing was low and didn't seem sturdy enough to support both of their weights. "But you're making it look rather comfortable." As hell he was. Aomine was gaping at him as he nestled closer, their shoulders almost touching. From this close, he really did look like a wreck.

  "Bakagami!"

  "What? Well, you know, if you jump you'll end up in the river and I'll have to jump right after you to get you out of the water," he reasoned. "This way it's gonna be quicker." The truth was that he didn't fancy jumping from here - shit, it really was high - but he had to get the blue haired boy back onto the firm ground no matter the costs. He hoped Aomine was bright enough to take the hint.

  "Go back," the boy sighed, "don't be stupid."

  It was too dark to make out much of the others face, but he could tell Aomine was watching him. The cat-like eyes were just another aspect Kagami found strangely amusing on him, it made him look exotic and dangerous, yet oddly exciting at the same time, as if he were a panther stalking through the jungle, ready to claim his kill. Right now, the panther became more or less a lost kitten and Kagami had to summon all his mental strength not to hug-

_Seriously, this is not the  time to think about your crushes._

  Right.

  Aomine was still watching, searching for something. Kagami did his best to hold the gaze.

  "No, seriously," he tried to sound as sincere as he felt. "I don't understand what's going on in your life or in your head, but if you go back with me, I promise I'm going to listen to whatever you have to say. No judging. Just don't do this.."

  The wind picked up, bringing a faint scent of water. It was going to rain. "..Please."

 _It's strange, how some people seem so naturally unbreakable that we forget they are still human,_ Kagami thought as he witnessed Aomine's hard façade crumble. The boy's knuckles went white onto the railing.

  "Please," he repeated.

  Disbelief, that was the only thing he could read in the boy's face - his eyes were blown wide, comically wide, eyebrows twitching - but Kagami blinked and the moment of vulnerability was gone.

  "Alright."

 

***

 

  "Yeah, we're going to my place," Kagami groaned for the seventh time. "Of course I asked, should I ask again? Fine!"

  Suddenly, he turned his attention back to Aomine, rousing him from the light slumber he was just falling into. "Momoi wants to know if you want her and Kuroko to come over."

  _Ugh._ He wasn't sure if he groaned inwardly or out loud, probably both. "Tell her I'm not in the mood."

  And that was the truth. Aomine felt like shit since the moment he let Kagami help him scramble back onto the road. He fucked up big time. It was so selfish of him, to drag Satsuki, Kuroko and now even Kagami into his own shenanigans, yet here he was, sitting on a train with the red head fussing over him as if he were a baby.

_It's stupid. You're stupid._

  They left the bridge in silence, well, almost. Aomine remembered being asked if he wanted to go someplace special, but the only thing he replied was "I don't want to go home." He really didn't feel like facing father right now. No, he was too tired to even think about the bastard.

  It took Kagami another two minutes to hang up. He dialed Satsuki when they got onto the train and the girl immediately started roasting him. She was raging because Aomine refused to see her, but she couldn't understand how ashamed he felt. Ashamed for the text, for ruining her party night, ashamed of himself. He couldn't look Satsuki in the eyes without falling apart and that was the last thing he wanted right now.

  It was different with Kagami, though. Back at the bridge, he looked like he meant it when he said he would listen. Aomine pondered it from every single angle, yet he found no reason not to believe him. This was Bakagami after all, he wouldn't do something so low as to pick up on Aomine's problems or use it against him in the future. No, he hadn't had brain cells for that. More importantly, if Aomine said something stupid or embarrassing it would be much easier to cut Kagami out of his life. Satsuki, on the other hand, he couldn't lose her.

  The apathy wrapped itself around him like a heavy coat. Maybe it was better like that, not to feel. It was familiar and safe and he didn't have to worry about weeping onto Kagami's shoulder.

  He didn't realize his eyes were closed.

  "Hey," Kagami hushed somewhere next to him, "don't sleep, we're almost there." His fingers brushed over Aomine's shoulder.

  The way from the train station to Kagami's house seemed longer than he remembered, but that might be because he was dragging himself more than actually walking. The red headed boy noticed, so he slowed down, too.

  He should call home. It was already late and mom was probably freaking out. Better call her now before she calls the police or something. His phone was buried in the depths of his school bag and-

_"Oh, shit."_

  Aomine vaguely recalled tossing the school bag onto the side of the road before climbing over the railing. Well, he sure as hell didn't pick it up again.

  His sudden groan startled Kagami. "What is it?"

  "Nothing," _God, you are so stupid, so fucking stupid._ "I forgot my school bag at the bridge."

  Kagami's weird brows furrowed. "You didn't notice?" He tugged on the black strap hung over his arm. "I took it."

  "Oh." Aomine didn't know what to say. "Thanks."

  He let Kagami steer him into the house. He'd been to the Seirin's place before, but it still felt strange, oddly empty. Maybe it was because Kagami was so organized or it was the lack of parents cruising around the place, he didn't know. _Whatever._ He took off his shoes and followed the red head into the living room. This was going to be a hell of an evening.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :D as soon as I uploaded the last chapter ideas started flowing and I spent better part of the night writing them into my phone, so here's another one :)

  "Hey, um.. Kagami?"

  "Yeah?"

  It was awkward. Aomine was sitting on the couch, holding onto his glass of orange juice with vice-like grip. He seemed extremely uncomfortable which was no surprise, really, but Kagami still felt a little hurt. He thought that the boy trusted him enough to actually open up and spill at least some of his problems, but the only thing he got was uneasy silence. Until now.

  Aomine was watching him with that unnerving half-lidded gaze of his, reading him. He did the same thing back at the bridge, as if he weighed how much could he share without crossing a certain line. Kagami felt nailed to the spot by that stare. He could understand why so many people felt intimidated by the Touou's ace.

  Once again, Aomine found what he was searching for. "I was wondering," he started, suddenly looking everywhere but at Kagami, "would you mind if I slept over?"

  "Sure! I mean no, not at all, I don't mind." Since the moment Aomine stated he didn't want to go home, he took that as a given thing. It hadn't really occurred to him that Aomine might think different about it. "I have a spare futon in the bedroom, so I'll crash on the floor. You can take the bed."

  Any other day, Kagami would force Aomine to take the futon, but not tonight. He took in the boy's pale, shaken exterior and decided that he could use a good night's rest in fine bed.

  "Thanks," Aomine mumbled. He didn't seem to have any objections to the sleeping order. There was a moment of silence when he downed the rest of his juice, but as soon as he put the glass onto the coffee table, his body got into motion.

  Kagami watched as the tanned boy stripped of his jacket and curled up onto the couch. The poor grey fabric ended up on the floor, forgotten. "I don't know why I did it."

  "Huh?"

  "Back at the bridge."

  "Oh," trying to look as understanding as humanly possible, Kagami nodded. It was lame and he knew Aomine knew it was lame, but it was the best he could do. He had the feeling that once he tried to say something, Aomine would get angry or close up entirely.

  So, he settled for listening.

  "Guess I've been thinking about it for quite some time. It's not like I want to die, no, it's just.. Shit, I don't know," he let out a pained sigh and rested his forehead onto his knees. Kagami didn't dare to break the moment of silence.

  It took three deep breaths, but Aomine eventually continued: "I wish it would stop. It's just so fucking unnerving. You know, I got into a really stupid argument this afternoon and this moron's like 'go die, freak' and I felt like 'yeah, maybe that's for the best'."

  Kagami tried his best not to stop the boy as he continued to talk. He _did_ swear he would listen to anything he had to say, but this felt all wrong and sick on so many levels. The Seirin tried to study the floor, the heap of grey fabric, anything. _God_. This was Aomine, the guy that inspired so many people to play basketball, sitting in his living room and falling apart. _This is so wrong._ Words continued to spill from the blue haired boy's mouth and they were darker and darker, his voice got tighter and tighter, until Kagami felt like pulling his own hair out.

  Suddenly, Aomine’s voice broke. There was another moment of silence when Kagami pried his eyes from the floor and looked up.

  Aomine was looking at him. _Straight at him_. His eyes were open wide, red and glassy, and the corners of his mouth were twitching. Kagami couldn't muster the strength to look away. His eyes locked with Aomine's as the boy pried his lips open.

  "Have you ever hated yourself just because you are you?"

  It was all so surreal to him. There was a fleeting moment Kagami hoped he was asleep and this was just a nightmare. He hoped that he'd wake up with a lazy, mouthy and totally happy Aomine living his life the way he wanted to, but a small sob crushed his hopes to pieces.

  Aomine wasn't looking at him anymore. No, his eyes were screwed shut and his bare teeth seemed clenched so tight even Kagami could feel his jaw hurt.

  The evening went horribly wrong. Aomine might be safe in the warmth of his home, that was fine, but he was supposed to feel better, not worse. _C'mon Taiga, you should do something._

  Actually, Kagami found himself torn between leaving the room and comforting the tanned boy. If he tried to act all friendly and touchy-feely, Aomine might feel like his dignity had just been thrown out of the window and then, he would really hate him and avoid him and stuff. Kagami didn't want that.

  Leaving him to deal with his emotions alone seemed like the best idea. _Give him some privacy, yeah._

  Kagami got up from his spot on the floor and thought about a suitable way to excuse himself when he noticed how Aomine's shoulders shook.

  The aho could hate him later.

  "Hey, it's going to be alright."

  Kagami didn't have an idea what was he doing, really. Every time he tried to comfort someone, they ended up crying even harder. Kuroko called it lack of delicacy, or perhaps he was just way too blunt to make people feel better, but it was worth a try, right?

  Aomine must've heard his footsteps because he lifted his head as soon as Kagami reached the couch. The red head took in the unusual sight - puffy eyes and eyebrows furrowed in confusion, the whole expression screamed _I don't believe you_ \- and immediately wondered if he fucked up already. Comforting the Touou's ace really was a stupid idea, he should've realized sooner.

  But instead of screaming and insults, Aomine moved his legs out of the way. He didn't look up again when the red headed boy plopped down onto the couch.

  "Really, believe me."

  He couldn't remember how it felt when he put his arm around Aomine's shoulders for the first time. They were rivals, right? That one was a declaration of strength.

  This was different. He felt awkward, trying to sneak his arm around the other's shoulders like that - it was like he was trying to use the boy's moment of vulnerability to fulfill his twisted fantasies or something - and for the first time that evening, Kagami was glad that Aomine avoided his gaze because the thought got his cheeks burning red.

  Aomine tensed, but he didn't punch him in the face. _That's a good start_. Instead, another sob escaped his clenched teeth, this time a little louder. And another one.

  That was the moment for him.

  The last bits of his delicacy flew out of the window with the rest of Aomine's pride. "C'mere, you aho," he muttered.

 

***

 

_God, you're so pathetic! Quit with the whining. You see, he's already fed up with you._

  Aomine heard the floor creak as Kagami got up from his spot. The Seirin had been sitting on the floor since they arrived, the only moment he moved was when he went to fetch Aomine a glass of juice. He probably tried to put some distance between them so he didn't violate his personal space or something. He was probably also overthinking it.

  At first, Aomine was afraid that he'd be kicked out and shipped home as soon as he reassured everyone that he didn't want to try his luck on the bridge again. Once more, he forgot that this was Bakagami. Instead of being shown the door, he was offered the bed while Kagami said he'd took the floor. In his own apartment. Because of him.

_You shouldn't make him sleep on the ground. He's just being polite._

  The floor creaked some more. Yeah, not even Bakagami could stand him for a longer period of time. _Seriously, what were you thinking?_

  "Hey, it's going to be alright."

  The red haired boy was towering over him, his eyes darting to the small space left on the couch. Sure, sitting on the ground while someone was hogging the space must've been pretty uncomfortable.

  Aomine sat more properly, so there was enough space for both of them. It didn't even occur to him that he was being disrespectful, this was just Kagami, being around that basketball freak came as natural as being around Tetsu or Kise. _But he got you down from that bridge. Yeah,_ Aomine thought, _but I wasn't going to jump. Oh, are you so sure?_

  God, his own mind was being a bitch.

  "Really, believe me." A familiar weight dropped onto his shoulders. Had he missed something? Kagami tried to seem relaxed but the muscles in his legs screamed tense. Fuck, he was trying to be so nice and Aomine was jerk and made him feel stupid in his own home. Shit. _Why do you have to be so useless?_ Oh no, now he was about to cry.

  Seriously, right now? In front of the Seirin?

  "C'mere, you aho."

  The arm around his shoulders tightened and Aomine found himself guided into the most awkward embrace of his life.

  "Stop thinking stupid things like that. You're awesome, so stop thinking otherwise," Kagami murmured somewhere next to his ear. His other hand - the one that wasn't keeping Aomine from falling face-first into his lap - started drawing circles on his back. Up, down, up, down. With each stroke, it was harder and harder to keep it together until one moment, he didn't.

  Hot tears rushed down his cheeks and ended up in Kagami's shirt. Heh, it was just like in the shower, except he wasn't the one getting soaked. Aomine tried to sob quietly, but the grief took over once again and, _fuck,_ he was such a mess.

_You're too weak. Getting all angsty here, aren't we? Can't you just suck it up? No one cares._

  "Hey, it's alright, it's alright. Let it out. It's okay." Kagami was still caressing his back, he wasn't going anywhere, right? Aomine dug his fingers into his sides, but he didn't complain or push him away. It was strange. Strange but nice. "You'll get through this."

_You don't deserve this nice treatment. You don't do anything nice for them, you only push them away. You're so selfish._

  "Just let it out. You had a really rough evening, right? It's okay to feel sad. Or scared. Or both. You know, I was scared. The railing was shit and I'm really afraid of highs."

  Aomine didn't know that one. It made him feel even worse, guilty, because Kagami climbed over the railing because of him and it was fucking high. "So-sorry," he sobbed, "sorry. I'm sorry.."

  _He was afraid and he had to do that because you were so stupid and tried to kill yourself. But you can't do anything properly, right? He could die because of you!_ It was strange how his brain could make it sound like father's voice. _You couldn't even die properly. Get a grip._

  "S-sorry," he hissed in between the sobs, "sorry."

  "What? Hey, Aomine!"

  Kagami had enough. "Stop! Stop it!" His hands were gripping Aomine's shoulders, pushing him away and the blue haired boy couldn't find a strength to fight him - he was so tired.

  Kagami seemed angry. Well, half angry, half something else. Concerned, maybe? "Don't you dare to say sorry again, understand?"

  Aomine nodded. He didn't want to piss him off. _God, you're so stupid._ Or maybe not because Kagami was hugging him again, fingers cradling through the hair at the nape of his neck. It felt soothing and Aomine found himself slumping against his chest once more.

  "The next time you feel like doing something stupid, just call me, deal?"

_He won't even pick it up._

  "I'll come to get you, okay? You need help, that's why you told me. I'll help you, alright? You'll get through this."

  The hand in his hair was so soothing Aomine found himself leaning into the comforting touch. He really was a lost cause.

  "We'll get through this. And then, I'm gonna kick your ass in one-on-one. Billion times."

  "Okay, Aomine?"

  He nodded.

  "Hey, I can't hear you, Daiki!" The red head sounded a little mocking. Aomine tried to mimic that, but probably failed.

  "Okay, whatever, Taiga."

  "Good."

  "Good," Aomine muttered. He spent another five minutes listening to Kagami's mumbling, but he was more than happy to do so. He tried to focus on the voice, the fingers in his hair and the sheer fact that he wasn’t alone in this anymore, that he almost missed it - for the first time since Teiko, the thing in his head was silenced.

 

***

 

  "Hey, Kagami, the shower's free."

  The sound of Aomine's bare feet on his floor tore him out of his thoughts. "Um, okay."

  Something was different.

  The moment he said _fuck it_ to logic and hugged Aomine like that, he knew things would change, but the aho was breaking in front of his eyes and hey, it worked! Kagami never really hugged anyone like that. Having the other pressed against him felt nice, toying with his hair felt nice, hell, he even liked the sound of his first name rolling from his lips.

  But Aomine was crying at that time and this whole thing was starting to be highly irrelevant. The last thing the blue haired boy needed was to fend off his weird, one-sided crush.

  It took more than five minutes for Aomine to calm down and another two minutes to peel off of Kagami. Then, he disappeared into the bathroom.

  Kagami was actually quite grateful for the break. He needed to sort out his thoughts, to come up with some kind of plan, but his head felt strangely light and dizzy. He was probably too tired, but that was alright, he'll come up with something tomorrow. _Or not,_ Kagami thought when he took in the sight of the Touou's ace standing there in his shirt and boxers. His goddamn spare white Seirin shirt and.. _God._ Maybe he won't come up with anything for the rest of his life, because his brain just exploded.

  Aomine either didn't notice that or he chose not to comment. "I'm going to bed, alright?"

  "Yeah, sure. I'll take shower and call it night, too."

  "Alright," once again, he was looking anywhere but at him. Kagami didn't blame him. They weren't exactly best friends, but the tanned boy still opened up and told him all these terrible things he thought about himself and the crying part didn't make that any better. "So, good night."

  "Good night." Kagami watched as Aomine's tall figure disappeared in the doors of his bedroom. The Seirin doubted any of them would sleep well tonight.

  When he stepped into the shower, another thing dawned on him - he forgot to change the bedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also want to mention that I've been replaying this absolutely awesome Aomine AMV on YouTube created by Ino Kaze and ugh it's so great!!! Don't know if you've seen it, but if not, you better give it a try :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone :) This chapter is going to be kind of a filler, but it had to be done, so here it is :D Thank you for all the comments (especially the perverted ones).

  It was the worst night ever, period.

  Kagami crawled out of the futon and tiptoed out of the bedroom as soon as the first ray of sunshine peeked through the window. _Good morning?_ Nah, it was like getting up from a grave, only worse. He felt like a corpse - tired, hungry, frustrated corpse with a raging boner he had to take care of. In the bathroom. Right now.

  Damn that Aomine!

  When Kagami climbed into the futon last night, the boy was already sound asleep, the only visible part of him being the top of his head. That was all good, really, everything would be alright if Kagami could fall asleep, but he couldn't.

  Aomine was in his bed - god, he'd done _things_ in that bed - wrapped in his blanket, sighing softly every time he as much as turned onto his other side. The noises were so damn distracting! As the night progressed, Aomine started kicking the blanket off. He must’ve had some kind o bad dream, because he tossed and turned and then pushed the blanket off the bed entirely. Kagami got up to throw it back onto his sleeping form, but the bastard had to choose that exact moment to turn around which gave him rather impressive view of the tanned boy’s rear.

  Since then, the night became even worse. He managed to fall asleep roughly at half past midnight, but only because of sheer exhaustion. Still, it was a restless sleep.

  Kagami rushed into the bathroom, stripped and turned on the water in record time. It was steaming, but he didn’t mind.

  _Cold shower can’t solve everything_ , the red headed boy decided as he tried to recall the image of that perfect, tanned body.

 

***

 

  Aomine refused to open his eyes. He was in that state when you're not asleep anymore but not really awake either, that kind when you're unable to think properly. It was bliss. He slept surprisingly well that night. The bed was so big he could finally sprawl without any of his limbs sticking out and god it felt _good_.

  He rolled onto his stomach. A content sigh escaped from his lips when he buried his face into the pillow. _Hmmm, that's nice._ There was a faint scent of shampoo and another one that he couldn't quite place, but it was familiar and nice and Aomine wallowed in it until a string of cusses caught his attention.

  ".. fucking shit, ow, fuck, fuck.."

  Yeah, that was probably the most coherent thing Kagami could-

_Shit._

  Aomine buried his face into the pillow once again as realization dawned upon him. The bridge. He tried to jump from a fucking bridge, because apparently he was more messed up than he first thought. The message to Satsuki. "Shit." Wakamatsu screaming at him. Father's grin and the stupid high school girl on their couch. Kagami easing him onto the couch with a glass of orange juice. He talked about it, the thing going on in his head, once again breaking down. Kagami hugging him. The sleep over.

  "Uugh." He shouldn't have woken up.

  He relucantlly rolled onto his back. Sunlight was pooling into the room though a big window not unlike his own, but that was probably the only similarity since Kagami had a real bedroom with a king sized bed and all. He could probably take Aomine's room, fit it inside here and there would still be plenty of space left.

  Thinking about that, he should be on his way home. It was - what time was it? - it was kinda late to sneak in unnoticed. Both of his parents didn't usually work on weekends.

  "Fuck!" A really loud hiss came from the other side of the door, followed by a relieved groan.

  What the hell was Bakagami doing?

  Aomine had few ideas, but hey, the idiot knew he was still there, he wouldn't.. Or would he? So loudly? _Shameless._

  Before he knew it, curiosity got the best of him and Aomine sneaked out of the bedroom to investigate.

  He found Kagami in the kitchen, but the situation was entirely different from what he had imagined. _You pervert!_ Kagami was standing over the sink, head resting on the cabinet above it. His left hand was under the running water.

  "Um, what happened?" He asked. That startled the other boy. Kagami almost hit his head onto the cabinet and muttered something about Kuroko, but once his attention fixed fully on Aomine, his cheeks turned pink.

  What? Was something peeking out? No, Aomine checked, he was pretty presentable, aside from the slight bedhead.

  But Kagami snapped out of it. "I touched the pan," he pointed in the general direction of stove. _He was making breakfast? Great!_ But burning his hand off in the process probably wasn't a part of the plan.

  "Show me," Aomine commanded as he stalked closer. When he was five, he touched a hot kettle and it was so nasty mom had to take him to the hospital. Father said he was as clumsy as they come.

  He snatched Kagami's hand - the Seirin protested a little, but he didn't give a damn - and inspected it closely. "It's not that bad, but you should put some ice on it. Any chance you have a coconut oil?"

  Kagami shook his head.

  "Any lotion?" No. "You know, it will heal better if you moisturize it often."

  Kagami scowled. His face was getting redder with each passing second, until he snatched his hand back. "Since when have you become a professional nurse?"

  Aomine shrugged. "I was a clumsy kid. Got these quite often."

  "You still are a clumsy kid, aho!"

  "Shut up, Bakagami!"

  He was given a toothbrush - turns out Kagami had a stack of unused ones, that weirdo - and once again disappeared in the bathroom. When he came back, the breakfast was already awaiting him. It was just scrambled eggs with some toast, but Aomine wolfed it down in almost zone-like speed. After all, it was known that everything Bakagami cooked was hundred percent awesome.

  "Dude, when was the last time you ate something?"

 _The day before yesterday._ Aomine didn't answer. Instead, he stuffed the rest of the toast in his mouth and ignored the inquiring gaze.

  "Seriously, I saw you changing. You're fucking skinny."

  Stuffing his mouth was a stupid idea, because now he found himself choking on a piece of toast. He blinked away the tears and swallowed the rest of the food. _Shit, Kagami just tried to kill him._ "When?!" He croaked.

  But his question was being totally ignored. "It's part of that.. problem, right? You know you can tell me."

  Aomine wasn't so sure. He already shared more than enough, well, at least more than with anyone else. But the red headed boy pushed further: "I meant it when I said I'll help you."

  "Yeah," he hissed. He didn't know whether Kagami took it as an answer or as some kind of consent, but the Seirin didn't interrogate him any more, so he let it go. Instead, they chatted about basketball. Kagami insisted that Aomine owed him a lifetime supply of one-on-ones and wanted to start right in the afternoon.

  "But I have to go home," he reasoned. He texted mom in the evening, but that was hardly an excuse since it was almost noon and he said he would be home in the morning. Oh, and there was another unpleasant thing waiting for him. "And I have to repeat the talk with Satsuki." He pulled her into his problems, so she deserved to know. She would probably understand better than Kagami anyway.

  "So, tomorrow?"

  He could swear Bakagami was pouting when he shook his head. He really was a basketball freak!

  Some twenty minutes later when Aomine found and put on his very rumpled grey jacket and shoes, Kagami dropped the question. "You'll text me, right? If something goes wrong."

  _If something goes wrong. Yeah, that would be pretty much non-stop messaging._ He waved the red headed boy off, but Kagami caught his wrist.  "I mean it."

  "Let go," he heard himself hiss.

_You're doing it again, pushing people away._

 

*** 

 

  "Daiki!"

  "God! Where have you been?!"

  "What happened?"

  As soon as Aomine stepped into the kitchen, a hell unleashed. Well, not actually, no. Mom started fussing over him, so he told her a pretty story about him and other few guys from his team going to Wakamatsu's and him being too drunk to see straight, so he crashed there. The problem was she didn't entirely buy it.

  "Right after school, huh?"

  "Yeah." He knew it was a weak story. He wouldn't buy it either. _Why don't you just tell her? It would be better if she knows._ “Mom, I’m tired. Can we talk about it in the evening?”

  "Daiki," she sighed, "is something wrong? You know you can tell me. You’ve been acting quite strange lately-"

  "It's nothing. I’m just tired, alright?”

 _You should tell her._ About what? Him being suicidal or father fucking high school girls? Aomine doubted she'd take any of it well.

  "Oh, Daiki." A petite tanned hand squeezed his shoulder. Mom was barely five feet six, but right now he felt like she was getting even smaller, even more tired and overworked than usual. He couldn't tell her. "You're my child, remember? I can tell you're troubled."

  How could he tell her any of the things that happened yesterday without hurting her?

  "I had a fight with Satsuki. A nasty one." Aomine blurted out, suddenly desperate to leave the room. Or the house. Or the country. "Actually, I should go apologize right now."

  He made his way to the main door when he heard her voice again: "At least go change! The uniform needs to be washed."

  "Yeah, yeah."

  He realized his mistake as soon as he stepped out of the door.

 

***

 

  Where the hell do you even buy coconut oil? And how does that thing look? Was he supposed to go for a bottled one or for a jar?

  _A jar will have to do,_ Kagami decided. At first, he didn't know whether to believe Aomine or not. The Aomine he knew was an epitome of stealth, so he could hardly imagine him getting many scars, but maybe that was also a part of that blooming thing Kuroko told him about. He also hadn't notice anything scare-like, but hey, it's not like he had a chance to inspect the tanned body that closely.

  The oil thing was damn expensive and Kagami cursed himself for being stupid enough to even consider it, but the red patch on his arm stung as hell and he needed to be able to play. He wasn't sure if he could defeat Aomine in one-on-one with only his right. No, probably not. The Touou's ace was a monster on the court.

_Shit. Even you think that._

  There was a moment yesterday in which Aomine mentioned that some people thought he was a monster. That his own teammates thought he was a freak just because he could do all these things - _crazy things,_ Kagami thought, _but amazing nonetheless._ When everything was running smoothly they'd bench him, but as soon as it got heated he'd be sent to shred the enemy as if he were a real monster on a leash. It must've been infuriating.

  He walked out of the store with a small paper bag. It contained a box of tissues, the coconut monstrosity and also a hand lotion, because if some accident happened again, he wanted to be prepared. Kagami would rather die than admit to the blue haired bastard that the only lotion in his humble home was a tube of lube.

  That would make things kinda awkward, right?

  "Oi, Kagami! Wait!"

  "Huh?" The Seirin turned around only to see a familiar figure of Kiyoshi Teppei jogging towards him. _Oh, well, speaking about awkward.._

  "Damn, you're fast!" The brunet complained. As he struggled to catch a breath, one of his large hands deliberately fell onto Kagami's shoulder. Right, as if he needed a support after a small jog. When he was done panting, Kiyoshi spoke up: "About yesterday.."

 _Straight to the point, huh_? "Yeah, sorry about that. Something came up," Kagami scowled. There was no way in hell he would tell him about Aomine.

  "Really? The next time something comes up, at least text me, so I don't spend an hour waiting for you."

  "I'm really sorry," he tried to pout. It was childish and he knew it, but somehow it always worked. Kiyoshi's face smoothed back into the kind mode, so the red headed boy dared to ask: "You have time now?"

  The brunet's face immediately brightened. "Will you cook for me?"

  Kagami rolled his eyes. What else was he supposed to do? "I might."

  "Then I have the whole weekend."

  As the two of them set for the long walk back to Kagami's apartment, Kiyoshi interrogating him about his burned hand, the younger boy risked a quick glance at his phone. There were no messages from certain blue eyed aho.

  He was a little bit afraid that he creeped the boy out. When Aomine padded out of his bedroom that morning, wearing the tad-too-big Seirin shirt and with flushed cheeks, Kagami knew he was staring. Maybe even salivating, but hey, who could blame him? Anyway, looking was the only thing he could do since there was no chance Aomine would ever fancy _him._

  "You're spacing out," Kiyoshi pointed out, eyebrows knit together. "Bad mood?"

  "Something like that."

  His lips curled in a lazy smile. "I can change that." He might not be as striking as the Touou's ace, but Kiyoshi also had qualities of his own.

 

***

 

  "Bye, Dai-chan," the pink haired girl sniffled as she let go off his waist. Why did everyone think he needed to be hugged?

  He pushed her away, as lightly as he could. "Bye, Satsuki."  It was getting dark and the air felt cool on his skin. Aomine welcomed the soothing sensation. His head was hurting as hell and the only thing he wanted to do now was crawl into his bed and sleep. Satsuki's constant questioning - disrupted by both of them occasionally crying and Satsuki trying to smother him with her chest - drained him of the rest of energy.

  The few steps separating their houses should give Aomine just enough time to calm down his nerves, but the effect was quite the opposite. He didn't look forward to meeting father. _You're in trouble._ Hell no, he was far too tired to deal with him today. Or any other day, ever.

  He planned to take a quick shower and go to sleep, but no such luck awaited on him.

  "Daiki?"

  _Not today, please._

  As soon as he saw the man's figure emerging from the living room, Aomine knew he was doomed. A pair of grey eyes pierced right through his chest.

  "Sit down. We need to talk.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

  "No."

  "Calm down, Daiki."

  "No," he protested for the thousandth time, eyes frantically searching for any kind of help. He noticed the petite form leaning on the door frame. "Mom?"

  _Please, don't make me do this. Please, please, please, don't._ She heard it, she had to hear it! "Tell him it's bullshit!"

  "Mind your language, Daiki," she sighed. "And I think he's right."

 _No!_ Basketball was the only thing he was good at, they couldn't take it away from him. He didn't have to love it, but basketball was his life since he was big enough to throw a ball.

  "Why are you doing this to me?" Aomine knew he was losing it, but he was so tired and holding his shit together was quickly becoming way too hard. "Do you really hate me so much?"

  _Pathetic. Get a grip! You're not going to cry, are you? No_ , he decided, _not in front of them._

  Mom gasped. Father froze mid-step. He had been pacing the room since the moment he told Aomine to sit, ignoring every protest, but as soon as the words left the boy's lips, he just.. froze. Aomine had never seen that expression on him before. The man's eyes were blown comically wide, mouth hanging open. Silence settled over the Aomine household. _You crossed another line._

  Mom was the first one to move. "Daiki-"

  However, she was silenced by father who woke up from the initial shock. "Please," he waved in the direction of kitchen, "leave us alone for a minute."

  Her lips pursed into a tight line, but she didn't say a thing, just turned on her heel and disappeared. There was no way she could miss the way her husband’s hands shook. Aomine saw it too, but he wasn’t sure what to think of it.

  "God damn, Daiki," father groaned. He crossed the small distance and collapsed down onto the couch, few inches from the tanned boy. "How can you say such a thing? I know we don't get along, that's probably not going to change anytime soon, but seriously? You think I hate you?"

  Aomine couldn't bring himself to say a thing. Did he really think that? No, not really. He was convinced father didn't care. _Who would care for someone like you?_ Plus, to say _we don’t get along_ felt like serious understatement.

  "Don't be silly, I'm doing this for you,” father claimed. “Satsuki-chan told me what's going on. She banged on the door and claimed my only son wanted to..” He made some wild gesture, but Aomine understood perfectly. That he wanted to kill himself. The boy opened his mouth to stop this nonsense, but he wasn’t quick enough. ”No! Don’t say a thing! Just listen.”

  Aomine’s eyebrows almost joined his hairline.

  “Hell, I spent last night driving around the city looking for you! I'm not telling you to quit the basketball nonsense because I want to make your life miserable, but because I think you should take some time off.” Father’s brow was twitching. Aomine knew exactly what it meant - a rare moment of vulnerability, a small crack in the stern mask - it happened to him, too. “This Generation of Miracles thing you got yourself into is seriously crazy. It’s not healthy for a child to be under so much pressure. If you.. If you’re really going through _that_ , I think you should take it easy. Take your time to get better. Hell, I’ll find you some doctor.”

  Aomine didn't know how he felt. Part of him wanted to scream and throw some good punches. Another, smaller part felt like crying and the rest of him just wanted to laugh. It was all too surreal.

  "I don't want a doctor," he heard himself say.

  “You think you can do it on your own?” Father gave him another bewildered look. "But.." _He really thinks you're crazy._ "Fine, fine. Let's strike a deal - you quit the team, I won't force you to go. How does that sound?"

  It sounded utterly wrong, as if he were asked to bite off his own arm.

  “I’ll think about it.”

 

***

 

  There were times when Aomine thought he was hollow.

  Everything he did was purely mechanical, based on muscles and blood and bones - he was a living, functioning shell with a core that was totally empty. He needed something to fill that void, something to make him happy and content in his own skin after basketball proved being useless to do that. The problem was, he had no idea what.

  Or maybe it was better that way, being hollow. Getting emotional right now wouldn't solve a thing, no, he would only freak out and that would only make things worse.

  Once again, he was staring at the ceiling, sleepless.

  In his head, the doctor resembled Midorima. Glasses and cold professionalism, with stupid little lucky items scattered around his office. He imagined his bed were a sofa in some sterile, white room. The doctor would be sitting in a chair next to him, furiously scribbling into his notepad, analyzing every little detail of his messed up mind.

  The thought of opening up to a total stranger made him cringe. What would he say, anyway?

  _Good afternoon. My name is Daiki and I am constantly sad. I feel lonely, but I don't want to bother anyone, so I sit home and sulk. I often act like a douchebag. Please, help me._

  No, that was really stupid. He already had a problem opening up to people, there was no need for some doctor to tell him that.

  But refusing the doctor would mean saying good bye to basketball.

  The blue band glowed in the darkness and Aomine toyed with it as if he were five years old again and fascinated by everything. When was the last time he caught a glowworm?

  Could he quit basketball? Would he survive without it? What would he do instead?

  Study, probably. He was painfully aware that he was failing at least two classes. A side effect of studying would be the improvement of his relationship with father. The man hinted that he would appreciate it - the relationship improvement, oddly - several times that evening. Aomine found it extremely awkward, but the rising apathy kept him from reacting.

  Did father really search for him? He hated driving, especially after dark.

  Aomine let his arm fall onto the mattress, glowing band forgotten.

  If there was a chance he could get out of this state, he should take it. What if something in his head chose to snap again and there would be no Kagami to stop him? Aomine didn’t want to die, no, in fact it scared him to no ends. Teiko made him slip into this with their stupid _basketball is only about winning, there's no place for fun_ policy. Then, he was dumb enough to choose a school like Touou where winning on your own was the best thing to do. It was literally dripping with loneliness.

  Continuing in the same pattern sure as hell wasn't healthy, right?

  He had to do what was healthy for him. He owed that that to Kagami. What meaning would last night have if he didn’t at least try to get better?

  Feeling hollow had one crucial advantage, Aomine thought as he settled onto his side, willing himself to fall asleep. He didn't feel remorse.

 

***

 

  Aomine couldn't recall the last time he ate breakfast with his father. Sitting across the man like this felt unnatural and every fiber of his body chanted _get out, get out, get out,_ but he chose to ignore it.

  They declared some kind of truce, after all.

  "Did you get some sleep?" Father tried to sound casually and failed.

  The morning was too bright for Aomine’s liking. He fell asleep roughly at half past three and woke up even more tired, as if he sleepwalked to America and back. Dragging his body down the stairs felt like the hardest thing ever, but he had to face his father.

  "Hardly, but I made up my mind," Aomine admitted. He dug his spoon into the bowl of cereals, frowning at the unsatisfactory amount of chocolate chips. Yesterday's breakfast was way better. He wondered what was Kagami up to right now - probably munching on some tasty stuff while watching basketball news, the lucky bastard.

  "That was a lot quicker than I thought."

  "Where's mom?"

  "She went shopping. Left about twenty minutes ago. She doesn’t know about _that_ \- I thought you’d prefer to tell her yourself." Father put down his slice of bread. "So, what's your decision?" Always the straightforward one.

  "I'll quit the team."

  He'd been repeating the sentence in his mind from the very moment he woke up, but saying it out loud was still weird. Aomine guessed that it would take time for him to get used to it, hell, he'd been a part of some team since he started middle school. _Man up_. It's not like he'll never play basketball again, right? He could always call Kagami - the Seirin was dying for that one-on-one, anyway - or play some streetball. He was going to get better, then join the team again and kick everyone’s asses. Yeah.

  He expected father to look at least a bit surprised, but the man kept a straight face, as if yesterday's evening never happened. "Alright. I'll call your coach."

  Aomine doubted coach Harasawa was going to be happy. It was obvious the team wouldn't stand a chance against Generation of Miracles without him.

  Turning attention back to his breakfast, he imagined the reactions he'll get from his teammates. One thing was sure - Ryou will apologize - but Wakamatsu and the others could take it both ways. God, what about Satsuki? He should tell her as soon as possible, before someone else does. She would be upset if he didn't and Aomine refused to let that happen again.

  He was torn out of his musing when father suddenly spoke up: "You should've said something." The man wasn't looking at him though, no, his mind was wandering somewhere far away as he stared into distance. "God, it went too far."

  "What are you talking about?" Aomine pushed the bowl away. He lost his appetite.

  "You know, you were pretty hyperactive child. I couldn't keep up with you, so after a while, I stopped trying." Alright, calm breakfast be damned. "You put a crayfish into my shoe once, remember?" Father chuckled.

  "Yeah." Aomine remembered. He forgot to put the poor crayfish out and was grounded for a week. He didn't understand why would father bring it up now. Whatever Satsuki told him that night, it must've shaken him pretty bad.

  "I probably overdid it. I thought that if I could drive you away from that stupid ball, you would start studying. I thought you were just being lazy and it pissed me off, because I want you to find a good job, not like your mother. We both know you can do better than some factory. Only if you tried harder, if you really tried.. No, wait Daiki! Fuck! Where are you going?"

  "Out!"

  _To try harder?_ Aomine didn't want to hear any of it, not coming from a man who told him to find a fucking sugar daddy two days ago. They might be acting all good right now, but that didn't mean he would just forget years of stupid comments and being put down and.. "Fuck!"

  He didn't know what to feel. The sun was so fucking bright and he was so fucking sad again. He needed a fresh air.

  _Why are you always like this? Everything would be alright if you were normal, but no, you have to be messed up. You're going to cry, right? I know you are. You're weak like that. Where would you even go?_

  Buried under the pile of his never ending shenanigans laid an idea. _The next time you feel like doing something stupid, just call me._

  "Where are you going?" Father questioned as he watched Aomine put on his shoes. The boy had already made up his mind.

  "To friend's place."

 

***

_The stupid thing works,_ Kagami thought as he inspected the fading red patch on his hand, _who would've thought that?_ He didn't give Aomine enough credit.

  Or perhaps, he gave him too much.

  Kagami wasn't afraid to admit he had a type. Tall, athletic type, someone who stood on equal ground with him, preferably at all fields. Kiyoshi would be perfect. He was kind, clever and handsome as fuck, but also desperately head over heels for Hyuga. Totally obvious Hyuga who missed all the not-at-all-subtle hints. Well, at least that's what he was told when he tried to kiss Kiyoshi. He was lucky that the older boy took it so well. Something like that could put an end to their special Friday training sessions and Kagami really didn't want that.

  Training with sweating, breathless Kiyoshi used to have its toll on him, but the Seirin's mind was currently occupied by even more unreachable crush.

  He should reconsider the whole type thing.

  Kagami stumbled home on Saturday evening, tired out of his mind. He refused to do a thing aside from falling face first into his bed and never getting up again, and so he did. However, when his face hit the pillow, he realized something - he still hadn't changed the goddamned bedding!

  Groaning inwardly, he decided that Aomine couldn't do much damage to it. Sleeping like this for one more night was perfectly fine. He even sniffed it, but the only smell he could make out was his own shampoo. Yeah, Aomine used that, too.

  Kagami drifted off to sleep before he could come up with anything lewd. He was pulled into a crazy dream of him and Aomine fighting each other. With swords. In a desert. The tanned boy was wrapped in skin-tight white something complete with tail and cat ears. Kagami was losing, his black shihakusho was torn to pieces, but somehow he managed to grab one of the pointy blue ears which reduced Aomine to panting, mewling mess.

  It was just getting interesting when he was torn out of it.

  His alarm was ringing.

  Kagami reached for the damned phone, groaning curses, and switched it off with one skillful swipe. It was Sunday, for god's sake!

  But he didn't have an alarm set up on Sundays.

  "Fuck!" He grabbed the phone again. Sure, it was no alarm. He had a missed call. Aomine's name shone at him from the display. He immediately hit the call button.

  The first thought that crossed his mind was _something's wrong_. He told Aomine to call if anything went wrong. The only thing Kagami could hear beside the blood in his ears was the _beep-beep_ \- it was ringing - and then the line cracked.

  "Hey, Taiga." _Oh shit, something really was wrong._ If it were a one-on-one request, he'll be just Kagami or Bakagami.

  "Hi, what's going on?" Kagami rushed out of the bedroom, phone in one hand, clothes in the other. "Where are you?"

  "C-can I drop by?"

  Aomine's voice was a notch higher than usual, just the same desperate tone from two nights ago. Kagami came to despise that one. "Sure. Where are you? I'll come for you."

  "No, I'm right around the corner, so just.." he could hear Aomine taking a shaky breath, "come open the damn door."

  "Um.. okay," he sighed. "Hey," the Seirin opened his mouth again, ready to say something reassuring, but the line cracked again and just like that, the call was over.

  When the doorbell started ringing, he sprinted out of the bathroom and almost tripped over his own shoes, toothbrush still in mouth.

  Aomine looked like shit. Pale, shaking, seething shit. He kicked his shoes off and marched straight to the living room, muttering curses and half-assed apologies at the same time.

  „What the fuck does he think he’s doing?“

  _Who?_ Kagami wanted to ask, but the only thing he managed was „mmmph“ and also to spill toothpaste all over his chin. _Eww_. It was just his luck that Aomine turned to face him that exact moment. „Gross,“ he made a face, but Kagami noticed a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, „and they say I’m the savage.“ He guessed that making a fool of himself wasn’t so tragic if it lifted Aomine's mood.

  „Sorry for that. Aomine? Hey, Aomine!“ He went to quickly wash his face and when he returned, Kagami found the blue eyed boy pacing the living room. _To the window, to the couch, to the window, to the couch._ His jaw was clenched.

  He got lost in whatever was going on in his head this time. Kagami doubted it was anything pretty. „Earth to Aomine!“

  The tanned body stopped. At least he seemed more pissed than sad, well, if that could be taken as a good thing.

  „Sit down and tell me what happened,“ Kagami commanded. Someone had to be the rational one here. He was also the first one to sit, motioning to Aomine to join him. The Touou’s ace huffed, but plopped down next to him. He did that _I’m reading you_ thing, making Kagami squirm under his intense gaze, but once again he was deemed worthy. Maybe he gained Aomine’s trust, he thought, but one does never know with Aomine, right?

  „Do you get along with your father?“

  „Huh? Guess so, we’re pretty alright. He’s in America, so..“ Why were they suddenly talking about him? _Oh._ „You got problems with your dad?“ Judged by the look on Aomine’s face, he guessed well.

  The blue eyes were no longer on him. Instead, Aomine grabbed his left hand and started inspecting the fading burn. Kagami thought he saw him relaxing as he ran one long, tanned finger over the reddened skin, but he could be imagining it or something. It tickled a little.

  If they weren’t sitting so close, he might even miss the next sentence. „I’m not exactly the kind of child he wanted.“

  „That’s bullshit,“ he blurted out. _Really, Taiga, delicate as fuck._ „I mean-“

  Aomine’s strained voice made him shut up. „No, I know that. It’s not a big secret.“ He was drawing some crazy pattern onto his palm. Circles, eights, whatever. „He knows about the bridge.“

  That was a good thing, wasn’t it? Kagami thought so, the more people Aomine could talk to, the better. On the other hand, the boy didn’t look like sharing anything with his father. „How did he take it?“

  „That’s the thing,“ Aomine sighed. „He acts strange. Like nothing wrong ever happened, as if I’m supposed to.. shit!“ He gripped Kagami’s hand with more force, his blunt nails adorning it with red half-moons.

  Some people prefer to be comforted physically. _Maybe Aomine is one of them,_ Kagami thought. „I bet he wants to help you.“ He relaxed his hand, let it fall into Aomine’s lap. The tanned boy didn’t seem to mind.

  „Yeah, I guess so. But I’m not sure I want any help coming from him.“ He shook his head. "And I got so worked up because of this crap! I'm really dumb."

  A silence settled between them, interrupted only by the sound of their combined breathing. Kagami didn’t know what to say. Momoi or Kuroko would surely be better at such things – hell, he must be a shitty friend, always nodding and stuff, but never really offering any advice.

  But he tried to understand and that counts, doesn’t it?

  „It doesn’t look that bad,“ the tanned boy muttered, index finger once again brushing over the burn.

  „Yeah, I bought that coconut thing. Costs a little fortune.“

  „You really did?“ Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to him, Aomine lifted his head and looked him in the eye. Kagami beamed at him – of all the things he found so alluring on the aho, the eyes were by far his favorite – and was rewarded by a smaller, but no less radiant smile.

  Sometimes, trying to understand really was enough.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably won't get updated anytime soon due to lack of ideas, sorry :/


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